Say What?!?!? The Best of Sir Charles Barkley

Charles Barkley - Never Afraid To Speak His Mind

Charles Barkley, nicknamed ‘Sir’ Charles and ‘The Round Mound of Rebound’ was the 5th overall selection out of Auburn by the Philadelphia 76ers in the 1984 NBA Draft.  Barkley played 17 seasons in the NBA with the 76ers, Pheonix Suns and Houston Rockets.  He is an NBA Hall of Famer, 2-time Gold Medal winner with the USA Olympic Team, NBA MVP in 1993 and was named to 11 NBA All-Star Teams. 

In addition to his impressive career on the court, Barkley has also made a name for himself with his mouth.  He has never been afraid to speak his mind, which has sometimes gotten him into trouble.  Since retiring from basketball, Barkley has been a regular commentator on TNT’s pre- and post-game broadcasts.  In addition to his normal duties serving as a member of the TNT NBA Broadcasts, with the recent partnering of the Turner Networks and CBS in broadcasting the NCAA Tournament, I figured now would be an appropriate time to present “Sir Charles” in all of his glory!  Enjoy!.

On His Opponents

“I don’t hate anyone, at least not for more than 48 minutes, barring overtime.”

On His Teammates:

“Hey Stanley, you could be a great player if you learned just two words: I’m full.”
- To his 300-plus-pound Houston Rockets teammate Stanley Roberts

On Race:

“I’m just what America needs - another unemployed black man.”
-After retiring from basketball  

Ernie Johnson: “Did they recognize you in South Dakota?”
Charles: “Yes, they did. It was easy because I was the only black person there. When they see me walking down the street they say ‘There he goes again’. And when I come back the next year they say ‘He’s back yawl!’”

“Kenny said it was going to be an all-international night. I want to know which international brother is going to win the slam dunk contest.”
-Following Peja Stojakovic winning the 3-point contest

“They don’t let many black people in the governor’s mansion in Alabama, unless they’re cleaning.”
- After being asked if he had ever been in the governor’s office in Montgomery 

“Damn, must not be any black folks in Australia. You can’t just leave $1 million worth of jewelry lying around the ‘hood.”
- While watching someone in Australia put $1 million worth of rubies on a table

“Hell, there ain’t but 15 black millionaires in the whole country & half of ‘em are right here in this room.”
- On The All-Star Game 

On His Legal Troubles:

Judge: “Your sanctions are community service and a fine, do you have any regrets?”
Charles: “Yeah I regret we weren’t on a higher floor”
- After throwing a guy through a 1st floor window in a bar

On Family

“I had to explain to my daughter why that skank Monica Lewinski has an hour special on HBO this weekend.”

“Every time I think about changing a diaper, I run a little bit harder and a little bit faster to make sure I can afford a nanny until my daughter’s old enough to take care of that herself.”

“Thank goodness. I just hope she doesn’t start before I go in the Hall of Fame. That way, I won’t have to kill anybody before I get inducted.”
-On His 17-year old daughter not dating yet

 On His Retirement:

“I remember sitting down with the Rockets and saying, ‘Yeah. I’m going to retire.’ They said, ‘Well, we’ll give you $9 million.’ And I said, ‘You got a pen on you?’”

On Relationships

“If you go out with a girl and they say she has a great personality, she’s ugly. If they tell you a guy works hard, he can’t play a lick. Same thing.”

On His Weight:

“Both of y’all are to going to hell for that. Y’all are going to hell with a first-class ticket. Is that how you treat your partner? Krispy Kreme might be the greatest invention in the history of civilization when they’re hot. Y’all are cruel man.”
- After broadcast partners Ernie Johnson and Kenny Smith were eating a box of hot Krispy Kreme donuts in front of him 

On The Portland Trail Blazers:

“In between arrests they do community service.”

“You never know what team is gonna show up on a given night, but you can bet they will be high.” 

 On Politics

“Well, when I went off to college, the guys I used to hang with were pumping gas and voting Democrat. Today they’re still pumping gas and voting Democrat. Guess the Democrats didn’t do much for them.”

On College:

“When I was recruited at Auburn, they took me to a strip joint. When I saw those titties on Buffy, I knew that Auburn met my academic requirements.”

“All I know is, as long as I led the Southeastern Conference in scoring, my grades would be fine.”

On The Chicago Bulls

“Jerry Krause must have pictures of his boss’s wife having sex with a monkey.”
- On Jerry Krause still being able to keep his job as GM of the Chicago Bulls

On His Time With The Olympic Team: 


Barkley Would Win 2 Oylmpic Gold Medals


“Somebody hits me, I’m going to hit him back. Even if it does look like he hasn’t eaten in a couple weeks. I thought he was going to pull a spear on me.”
- After an Olympic 116-48 victory over Angola, Barkley got into a physical altercation with a member of Angola towards the end of the game

“To get the Canal back.”
- On the goal of the ’92 Olympic Dream Team when playing Panama in the Tournament of the Americas

On Gambling:

“Do I have a gambling problem?” Yeah, I do have a gambling problem but I don’t consider it a problem because I can afford to gamble.”

On Rebounding:

“I always laugh when people ask me about rebounding techniques. I’ve got a technique. It’s called just go get the damn ball.”

While In The Broadcast Booth:

Ernie Johnson: “Reggie Evans got caught with his hand in the cookie jar.”
Charles Barkley: “Ernie, I don’t know where you get your cookies at but the rest of us don’t get ours there.”
- On Reggie Evans being caught grabbing the crotch of Chris Kaman

“Phone home.” and “Sam Cassell is a good guy, but he’s not going to wind up on the cover of GQ anytime soon.”
- After seeing a picture of Sam Cassell on the screen

“Stevie Wonder could make one of 23 shots.”
- On North Carolina missing 22 of its last 23 shots in losing to Georgetown in the NCAA tournament

“It’s kinda great to see the Celtics doin well again cuz that was so much fun in my day to go to the Boston Garden and they spit at you and throw things at you and talk about your mom. It sounds like dinner at Kenny Smith’s house.”

“We better not be doing the Bulls this year. Man, they suck! Bunch of high school kids with $70 million contracts. Damn! I hate my mother for having me too soon.”

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